It couldn't come soon enough

My professors are very wonderful people. And I've got to hand it to them, they outdid themselves making sure I earned spring break. There were many times last week that I was certain I was about to lose my sanity. But who cares about such gloom and misery? All is well now.

I've been rather living it up. Lots of looking out the window. Now that might not seem like much, but it's quite the luxury for me. Used to do it all the time back in middle school. People always talk about the best thinking occurring in the shower. They are in fact mistaken. It's when you look outside. Don't know what it is about it, but there's something about the infinite expanse of the sky that brings all the great metaphysical, theological questions to mind and forces me to deal with them. And then below that, there's the random cars driving by and the occasional person walking down the street, and I wonder where they're going, and what their lives are like, and how it all fits together in the grand scheme of things. I really could just sit in my room for hours. It's sort of like a mental reboot. During school I never have time to contemplate my own ideas; I'm too busy thinking about what I'm assigned to think about. So having the opportunity to do so now, with all my friends gone, is quite nice. I can step back from things, and sort of look at my life as an outsider, and evaluate what's good about it and where I should try to change things.

And then there are all my books. The above picture is the pile I'm spending my time with over break. Some are for school, others are ones I'm almost finished with but didn't have the time to work on, others are simply ones I impulsively started reading. While people are on vacation for break, I'm traveling too. Visiting Florence at the turn of the century; sitting at Thoreau's table in his cabin next to Walden Pond; watching Jean Valjean become a new man during the aftermath of the French Revolution. That's what I love about reading. You get to live in a completely different world from the one you live in, but along the way, you find all the similarities between that one and your own. Watch out, I'm about to go off on a Great Ideas rant.......

So yup, much of my break so far has involved me sprawled out on the floor in my room, reading some rather wild books and trying to figure out things like the meaning of art or why God is repeatedly so good to such a waste of time as me (won't ever make much progress with that one), all while listening to indie music. Yes, I only now discovered the greatness of Pandora. Don't judge. Everyone else, have fun in Florida. I'm good here.

That George Herbert, the rascal....

I think I'm quite on my merry way to becoming obsessed with George Herbert. College is doing strange things to me. What with all these influences from peer pressure and classes about 17th-century literature, these tricksters are beguiling me out of my boring old prosaic ways and leaving instead a bit of a poetry nerd. Who saw that coming?

But then again, how could you not love this poem?

THE CHURCH-FLOORE.   

MARK you the floore ?  that square and speckled stone,
                    Which looks so firm and strong,
                                             Is Patience :

And th’ other black and grave, wherewith each one
                    Is checker’d all along,
                                             Humilitie :

The gentle rising, which on either hand
                    Leads to the Quire above,
                                             Is Confidence :

But the sweet cement, which in one sure band
                    Ties the whole frame, is Love
                                             And Charitie.

        Hither sometimes Sinne steals, and stains
        The marbles neat and curious veins :
But all is cleansed when the marble weeps.
        Sometimes Death, puffing at the doore,
        Blows all the dust about the floore :
But while he thinks to spoil the room, he sweeps.
        Blest be the Architect, whose art
        Could build so strong in a weak heart.

As you could probably tell, the different kinds of stone represent different virtues in the Christian life. Patience is "strong and firm" because it takes a lot of self-discipline to maintain. "Black and grave" humility doesn't have bright and self-satisfied thoughts about itself. I like Herbert's imagery here because it can also take on a double meaning in that he is also describing humility as the putting of your flesh to death. Confidence is the "gentle rising" of the soul out of its doubts towards communion with God. Finally, tying everything together is love, or charity. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13, the Christian, with all his virtues, is nothing without love. 

The second half of the poem details the two threats to Christian virtue: Sin and death. Both try to obscure it. The former is defeated when the "marble weeps," or when we repent. As for death, instead of obscuring our sanctification, it makes it all the more prominent. It shows whether it is really genuine.

What I love about Herbert is how much theology he packs into his poetry, and how he does so in a really beautiful way. Reading it forces me to think deeply about God from a different perspective/format than just that of a theology book.

So yeah, it's official. Herbert has been admitted into the exclusive society of Sarah's Nerd Crushes. Right up there with Erasmus, Cicero, Jaques Barzun. Yup, it's great.

Caritas Deo.....because titles sound cooler in Latin

In between reading from some pretty riveting textbooks about Roman society, Medieval literature, and Renaissance art, I've managed to sneak in a little non-school related literature. That in itself is an accomplishment, so bear with me here. I'm pretty geeked out. What's funny is that they're all books I probably would have turned my nose up to a few years back. I hope I'm learning to be open minded while still retaining discernment. Got to love all those fine lines and Golden Means.....

Anyways, I'm not done with any of these yet, but I'm noticing a common effect they've had on me so far. They make me want to love God more. Both straight up affection towards His person and a desire to truly dedicate my self and life to Him. One of my trademark personality traits is an epically one-tracked mind, which can be good, but in this case makes things difficult. I tend to get wrapped up in the details of getting through my day and forget the big picture of why I'm really here in the first place. These books point me back to God. They've reminded me of how lovely a life that's lived for Him really is. They make me want that.

First off is Francis Chan's Crazy Love. One of its passages has already made the blog. I'm about halfway through and so far, the whole book is of the same caliber as the quote I posted. Highly convicting and reflective. I don't agree with what is a bit of an obsession in evangelical culture with feelings-based experiences in our spiritual lives, because most of the time our emotions are unreliable and we can't base our faith/spiritual status on what we're feeling at the present moment. But that said, affection for God still is an important part of our lives. You can love someone and not necessarily feel warm thoughts about them all the time, but if you never do, you've got a problem. So one of the things I'm appreciating about this book is how it stirs up my heart and brings me back to Christ. I don't want to become cold and distant.

I'm also reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper. It's sort of geared toward my college age crowd. While Crazy Love is more theology-ish, this is application. Piper urges us to make the most of our lives for God. This is how he starts off the book:

For me as a boy, one of the most gripping illustrations my fiery father used was the story of a man converted in old age. The church had prayed for this man for decades. He was hard and resistant. But this time, for some reason, he showed up when my father was preaching. At the end of the service, during a hymn, to everyone’s amazement he came and took my father’s hand. They sat down together on the front pew of the church as the people were dismissed. God opened his heart to the Gospel of Christ, and he was saved from his sins and given eternal life. But that did not stop him from sobbing and saying, as the tears ran down his wrinkled face—and what an impact it made on me to hear my father say this through his own tears—“I’ve wasted it! I’ve wasted it!” 

This was the story that gripped me more than all the stories of young people who died in car wrecks before they were converted—the story of an old man weeping that he had wasted his life. In those early years God awakened in me a fear and a passion not to waste my life. The thought of coming to my old age and saying through tears, “I’ve wasted it! I’ve wasted it!” was a fearful and horrible thought to me. (pp. 11-12)

That kind of thing has always been on my mind. Reading this has been like having someone shake you awake when you've dozed off in class (or something like that because I have no experience with that kind of thing....). I need to continue to be reminded of the big picture, that I'm not just in college to write papers and have fun with my (amazing) friends. And believe it or not, but college isn't the end-all either. I exist to glorify God. I need to remember to make my life one that is marked by that quality. They tell me I'm coming to the age in life when you make all the pretty important decisions. I want all of mine to be consistent with a life focused on God.

Finally, there's Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl by N.D. Wilson. This is the book I've been reading the longest and have made the least progress in. C'est la vie. What I have read so far has shown me the beauty of God in the world around us. Reading it, I'm left in awe of how the details of creation point us back to God. Really, I have no excuse for getting distracted. God is everywhere. (Meant of course in the most orthodox, non-pantheistic, good-sober-Calvinist way possible.)

Yesterday, my pastor preached on how the Church is illustrated as a bride. What really struck me was how he applied it. This side of eternity is the engagement period. A bride spends hers busy preparing for the wedding. Her groom is never far from her thoughts. In the same way, it's only natural that we spend our lives preparing for our wedding day to Christ. Our love for Him will be expressed in our adorning ourselves with good deeds done for Him (Revelation 19:8). (Also meant of course in the most Protestant, Sola Gratia, good-sober-Calvinist way possible.) We can't afford to waste our time on things that won't contribute toward this goal; dare I say it? - ain't nobody got time for that.

So that's where my mind has been hanging out lately. Hooray for good books and sermons that convict you and point you to better things.