On not getting Nietzsche

.....or, Why I'm Glad I Almost Failed Calculus.

I have a confession to make.

This year has been a little traumatic for me in the intellectual department. It all started when I came down with senioritis, and was forced to discover that I am not immune to boredom with learning. Around that time, I tried reading Nietzsche. Whoa. Up until then, my cavalier, what-have-I-got-to-lose-nothing's-that-hard-anyways approach to education had pretty steadily worked out for me. Sarah the Bluestocking was going to defeat Nietzsche the Philosopher. In fact, she would make him cry, and it would be awesome. But a page into Beyond Good and Evil, I realized the hard way that existentialist philosophy is rather difficult to understand. As it turns out, Nietzsche had gotten the best of me.

Then, to add insult to injury, nearly a year later, there I was again, sitting in a lab in the science building of my college, calculus final in front of me, praying my heart out that I would pass this time. My plan going into this semester had gone all wrong. I knew Calculus and I wouldn't be best friends, but we could at least be civil to each other. But now, even that looked like it wasn't going to happen.

When you're in the middle of a staring contest with an exam that appears to be written in cuneiform, and your gpa, scholarships, and academic standing all depend on how well  you score, you begin to rethink all your previously-held notions about the world you live in. Compound this phenomenon with all the other failures of the year, and I realized that I wasn't the prodigy I fantasized being.

But that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

God has used 2012 to teach me several things, and making the top three is the loveliness of humility.

To appreciate that, though, it helps to first contemplate how ugly the opposite is. To start off, when Satan told Eve, "For God knows that in the day you eat from [the fruit] your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil," it's her ego he was appealing to. We have pride to thank for getting us into this mess in the first place. But it's also what keeps us in it. Just like that initial sin of our first parents, every wrong thought, word, or deed we commit now is motivated by pride. We want to do things our way. We know best. Our pride is responsible for all the ongoing ugliness surrounding us in the world.

Despite the first few blows to my ego, before school began I was in a rather self-satisfied vantage point in my outlook on life. I'd managed to snag a respectable SAT score and get accepted into the honors program at my college. And this was all due to my, ahem, self-taught high school education. (Don't let yourself get too intimidated. I'm only human, after all.) But during the first few weeks of school, I started getting to know my fellow students. One of my friends is the author of two (soon to be three) novels. Another honors student is finishing translating the Inferno into English. Yet another dear friend's graduation photo shows a girl in cap and gown, literally covered in honors cords and tassels and all sorts of academic bling. Among the others are computer programmers, playwrights, would-be physicists. 

And then there's Sarah with her blog full of earth-shattering insights, her biggest contribution to humanity. Hardcore stuff.

When you don't keep an eye on the pride that we are all naturals at cultivating, you end up having revelations like these.

But right when you're in the middle of all that, desperately scanning that calc exam and finally seeing yourself for the silly wretch that you really are, namely, one who could give Fraiser Crane a run for his money in pomposity, God steps in. (Well, actually, He was there all the time - He was the one responsible for graciously holding up a mirror.) He shows you the example of Christ.

Of all people to have bragging rights, it's Him. He knows everything, can do everything. He created calculus. And Nietzsche. So is that what He was focused on? Nope. When He came here, he was happy being made "a little lower than the angels." He came to bring a people to Himself by saving them from their sins. Not to show off.

The lovely thing about humility is that it makes us forget ourselves. It makes us so busy being focused on Him that we don't have time to obsess over us. It opens our eyes, displays before us the beauty of Christ, shows us that our accomplishments, whether real or imagined, are nothing compared with Him. It enables you to say, "Not my will, but Yours be done." You don't want to become a better you; you want to become like Christ.

So that's why I'm glad I almost failed calc. God was reminding me that there's more to life than getting Nietzsche. He used that failure to bring me "to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see [Him] in the heights."

Letting this one speak for itself

"The very fact that a holy, eternal, all-knowing, all-powerful, merciful, fair, and just God loves you and me is nothing short of astonishing.

The wildest part is that Jesus doesn't have to love us. His being is utterly complete and perfect, apart from humanity. He doesn't need me or you. Yet He wants us, chooses us, even considers us His inheritance (Eph. 1:18). The greatest knowledge we can ever have is knowing God treasures us.

That really is amazing beyond description. The holy Creator sees you as His "glorious inheritance."

The irony is that while God doesn't need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don't really want Him most of the time. He treasures us and anticipates our departure from this earth to be with Him - and we wonder, indifferently, how much we have to do for Him to get by."

(Crazy Love, by Francis Chan, pp. 7-8) 

Geeking out

Our last assignment in my honors class was to create an infographic. We could choose any topic we liked, so I decided this was a golden opportunity to sum up the stories we read in class in a more engaging way (or at least I hope that's how it turned out). Either way, it was a really fun project.

Behold the finished product:

TGIF

So when I walked into my western civ class 45 minutes ago, I was immediately struck by the fact there was nobody there. It was rather awkward, so I decided to check my email and see if the location had been switched or something. Ah, such a freshman. Lo and behold, my class had been cancelled! Happy Friday! So right now I'm thoroughly living it up in the commuter lounge, eating a doughnut and social networking. 

What is the commuter lounge, you ask? Another hot insider bit of information: Of all places on campus to hang out, this is by far the 5-star accommodation. I guess it's intended to be a place for day students to chill between classes, but it is much, much more than that. Gracing it with their presence are the two most comfortable couches I have ever encountered in my 19 years. Also, it's always at this perfectly calculated temperature - just walking in, you instantly feel restful. So naturally, this is the place you go to catch a nap before class after another 4-hour night of sleep. (Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything. So suspicious.) Also, since it's divided from a hallway by a half-wall, it gives you the perfect opportunity to lazily say hi to friends walking by or just generally creep on random people. Finally, it affords several excellent hiding spots, when such a thing might be in handy. I'll leave it at that.

In our honors class, we are now reading Cicero - "On the Good Life." Pretty much all Stoic philosophy. I absolutely love it. I think Cicero is my new nerd crush. No, this is not a blanket endorsement of said philosophy, but it is an admission of fascination with it. Like anything produced by fallen man, there are good ideas to be found. The trick is keeping Christ always within your perspective. Talking about what we like or dislike about such philsophies, we can sometimes become so wrapped up in the details and logic that we forget to ask ourselves what the Bible has to say on the matter. But anyways, I am very much enjoying this class; my favorite part, though, is the impromptu debates that occur with my friends afterwards. Yes, I love college. :-)

Off to chapel now. Have a great Friday!

Here I Stand

"Unless I am convinced by Scripture and plain reason - I do not accept the authority of the popes and councils, for they have contradicted each other - my conscience is captive to the Word of God. I cannot and I will not recant anything for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. God help me. Amen."

Happy Reformation Day.

Research paper

So I have this 5-7 page research paper due in a couple weeks, and naturally I'm blogging about it instead of working on it.

Yes, it's an Instagram. Behold my hip-ness.

A few thoughts:

1. I'm rather excited about this paper, because it's the first one I've written this semester whose topic I got to pick and am therefore genuinely interested in. Of course you're now wondering what in fact the topic is. So here's the hot insider info, aka my thesis statement: The Renaissance wasn't so much a rediscovery of classical culture as it was a new attitude toward it. You know you're fascinated.
2. The sad thing about the above picture is that I own all the books I'm using for research.
3. Even more sad is that I sort of read half of them in highschool. Two possible conclusions could be drawn from this:

• I was a nerd in high school.

•  I'm too lazy to find new sources of information in college.

On an almost completely unrelated note, it's been interesting to observe what college-level classes are like. Granted, mine are for freshmen, but it's still not highschool. I'm probably jinxing myself saying this only halfway into the semester, but so far they've been easier than I had expected. The one exception to this, of course, is Calculus. I somehow managed to get a 58 on my most recent exam. I'm rather disappointed with myself, because if I'm going to fail, I should at least make it interesting and get every answer wrong. None of this 2-points-away-from-a-pass stuff. But hey, if I can pull at least a D in this class, I'm 26 school days away from never having to take a math course again in my life! Howbout that?

Back to the research paper. I'm really excited about this, because the topic is one that's been on my mind since sophomore year. Remember that huge list of books I made for myself? As I started reading them, I discovered that I had a lot of misconceptions about Medieval culture. After all, when people nickname a time period the Dark Ages, there can't be too much to hope for in the literary department. As it turns out, though, almost every book I read either made multiple references to classical culture or was clearly influenced by it. So what was so different about the Renaissance? That, my dear reader, is what the paper is all about. Yippee.

Keeping this one bookmarked

That moment when only a Puritan can explain how you feel dead-on. My latest has lasted all weekend. Love this.

Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,
Thou has brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter
thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty
thy glory in my valley.

(The Valley of Vision - prayer by the same name)

"The deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine"

"The valley is the place of vision"

"Let me find thy light in my darkness"

So true. Trials become blessings.

College came, college saw, college conquered

So I've been passing my time these past four weeks shaking things up at my Lutheran college. Of course, the above statement makes me sound far more influential than I really am, but I'll let you run with the idea anyways.....

The first week was a little scary. Going from homeschooling with the ability to count all my friends on my fingers to constant stimulus, constant people, constant homework was an adjustment. It feels lazy to not do any lesson planning/grading/etc. Eclipsing all that, though, is that I now have to get out of my pajamas before noon each day. Major changes, indeed.

I love all my professors. They're all completely different from each other, too, so that keeps the day interesting. My favorite class, hands down, is Honors - The Ancient World, wherein we study the ancient Great Books. Yeah, I know. Try not to be too envious of me. It's the last class of the day, and has a very relaxed atmosphere. Our professor pretends to be surly, but it's really just his way of being hilarious. Looking forward to this is what gets me through calculus. Eight a.m. calculus at that. My friend and I deal with it by keeping a countdown in my notebook of the days left till it's over. Should I be admitting this in public?

Speaking of friends, God has blessed me with a great group of them. When we aren't up to shenanigans like exploring the "haunted" areas of the campus at midnight, we're debating theology or having an impromptu jam session in the dorms. Yes, I'm growing quite fond of our little group.

So there isn't really a point to this post. Just checking in to banish any fears of abandonment my extensive readership might be holding. (Yeah, I've joined the one-post-a-month club, but such is life when you're a cool college kid.) All in all, I love everything about college so far. God is good.

Off to take a look at the homework I've been blowing off....but you didn't hear that from me.

To homeschoolers

Now that I've finished high school and gained street cred at any homeschool conference merely by my new status as "homeschool graduate," I thought I'd hop on my soapbox and toss my two cents to the crowd.

Don’t be afraid to geek out. That's one of my favorite things about homeschooling - the ability to dive head-first into areas that spark your interest. I'll never agree with the "unschooling" philosophy, but it's just common sense that we learn the most in the subjects that we're most interested in. It's ok to get sidetracked every once in a while. Half of what I learned in high school came from Wikipedia rabbit trails when I was researching something else.

Don't stress over how the quality of your education compares to that of the mainstream school system. The fact that you're conscientious about it is a good indication that you're on the right track. It's the people who don't care that are the ones to be worried about.

Oh lesson planning, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I hope this one goes without saying. When I hit high school, I was pretty much on my own. (come to think of it, that could explain many, many things) Every August, I took a week to sit down and plan out my school year. Best thing I ever did. It was my road map, and at any point in the year, I knew where I was supposed to be. Before you think I'm such a wonderful student, let me be the first to admit that I never followed my detailed schedules continually. But the weeks I did pay attention, I would get everything - or nearly everything, at least - accomplished. I'd rather not talk about the other weeks. But in a point related to the one above, if you're able to stay consistent with your schedule, you'll most likely end up ahead of even the best private schools. Even they waste a lot of time on busywork, assemblies, fire drills, etc.

To get really nitty gritty, buy up all the good historical fiction you can lay your hands on. Not the Janet Oake Western-Christian-Romance variety. I'm talking obscure old children's books from the late 19th through the mid 20th century. There's something about that time era where the authors were able to take any period of history and make it absolutely fascinating. Even in the non-fiction books of the time, the subject matter was often written in the form of a story which made it really engaging. Anyways, this genre made history come alive for me - I love how it humanizes the historical figures we come across by making them well-rounded characters, not just frowning portraits in a textbook.

Turn on the tv every once in a while. It wasn't till I started watching a modern show or two (this is dating to 8th grade/early high school, by the way) that I realized that carrying around a stack of books with you everywhere is not normal behavior. I'm not even kidding. I remember one mortifying incident when I was walking into church with my usual pile of books, and they all fell, and afterwards, I just couldn't understand why my dad limited me to three from that point on. Yes, these things can slip through the cracks. Which brings me to my last point......

The most important thing I've learned in homeschooling is finding the balance between exposure to the world and protection from it. I think homeschoolers have a dangerous tendency toward the latter. The purpose of child rearing is to train them to be godly, critically-thinking, responsible adults. Sheltering is not training. I've seen my share of wimpy boys and insipid girls, and it isn't pretty. Remember what happened when the Europeans arrived in the Americas? The natives began rapidly dying out because they had never been exposed to the diseases their new neighbors carried with them. Their bodies couldn't cope with it. Contact with the secular world is not a matter of when, but how. Kids need to see the whys and the hows, to be trained to critically examine each new idea they come in contact with. Doing this correctly will enable them, by God's grace, to face the world and overcome.

In my own experience, I'm glad my parents understood this. When I told my dad I wanted to spend a year reading all the books he had told me not to read, not only did he not bat an eye, he thought it sounded fun. And that year, facing those viewpoints opposite my own, I came to understand them and the reasons I disagree better than I would have from any third party critique. My dad knew  he had provided a solid foundation by teaching me skills like logic and a firm grasp of Biblical theology, so he was excited when he saw that I was ready to put those skills to work. So crack open that textbook crawling with evolutionary dogma. Heck, why not study the Qur'an while you're at it?

Well, that turned out to be more than a few cents....more like a dollar or something.....but you knew I couldn't leave homeschooling behind without spouting off a little.

College, here I come.

Psalm 16

A Mikhtam of David.

Preserve me, O God, for I take refuge in You.
I said to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good besides You.”
As for the saints who are in the earth,
They are the majestic ones in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those who have bartered for another god will be multiplied;
I shall not pour out their drink offerings of blood,
Nor will I take their names upon my lips.
The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You support my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me. I will bless the Lord who has counseled me;
Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night.
I have set the Lord continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

One of THOSE past few months

May was crazy. In fact, so crazy that I don't even remember what went on in it.

Then, on the 2nd, oh, you know, I graduated......

I didn't want to post an awkward picture of
just me, so Maddie, I hope you like this one too

No big deal.

I've been trying to keep the church library in order:

Lookinggg gooood

It doesn't currently look like that, but it might as well.

The highlight of my spring was reading the first volume of Iain Murray's biography of Martyn Lloyd-Jones. It's become one of my all time favorite books. Lloyd-Jones had an interesting enough life as it is, but on top of that, the biography is full of spiritual insight which made it an unforgettable read. I plan on starting volume 2 this week, and am sure it will be just as good, if not better than the first. It will be interesting to see how his ministry was used in WW2. I HIGHLY recommend this book!

I also just finished reading Under the Tuscan Sun, because as I am too poor to go to Italy, I might as well do the next best thing and read about it. Good grief, half the book was about all the food they ate and I think I gained five pounds just reading it. Maybe I'll try the sequel....we'll see

The comic at the top is not only cute, I've also found it to be very true. My dad's illness has gotten worse in the past few months, and I don't know what I would do without the knowledge I have of God to ground me. I remember posting the beginning of the first question/answer of the Heidelberg Catchesim a while ago, but recently they have taken on a much deeper, more experiential meaning:

Q. What is your only comfort in life and in death?
A. That I am not my own, but belong - body and soul, in life and in death - to my faithful savior Jesus Christ.

     He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven: in fact, all things must work together for my salvation.

     Because I belong to him, Christ, by his Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to serve him. 

Amen.

Didn't see this one coming

In honor of National Candidate's Response Day, otherwise known as May Day, otherwise known as "Mayday" when the first two "holidays" are put together,  I give you my confession, basking in the security of knowing that no college admissions office is aware of the existence of this blog.

nuf said

I think it was Thoreau who said that "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." Good grief, was he right on. No other phrase can adequately describe the spring-of-senior-year experience.

Like the season, senior year comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. First semester, everybody's still coasting on the high of recent college visits while the anticipation of pending acceptances keeps us all hopeful and motivated. This is the time when we are in our annoying glory, patronizing juniors and generally obsessing over college. Constantly busy, but having fun in the meantime. Then February hits like an ugly car crash. You wake up one day, and something seems wrong. It isn't till the school day is half over that you realize what it is. You just don't care anymore. And you can't explain why. Perhaps it was the constant insanity of the past few months, or the tax on your emotions from one-too-many rejections, or you've simply reached your academic breaking point. Whatever it is, you don't have the mental stamina to keep going, nor the desire to do so. This, my friends, is Senioritis, and I am a victim.

I had never heard of the disease until last winter maybe, and blew it off as something the deadbeats who never tried anyways pulled as a last attempt at a plausible excuse and possibly garner some sympathy. I was the nerd of all nerds, who read the Odyssey at barely 13 and blogged about Platonism for fun. I would be impervious. Ah, such youthful naivete. What I didn't realize is that nobody is safe from Senioritis. It will find you.

To most, those infected look like they're just lazy. But is that really the case? Why are all those kids who made the honor roll and got straight-A's for the past 13 years suddenly in the same boat as the class clowns who never gave a second thought to homework?  The former  (and probably the latter, come to think of it) are just as confused as you, their concerned-older-acquaintance are. There is more to this situation than meets the eye. We know we should make an effort to study, that it's important to end the year well, that colleges will be checking up on us, but we are trapped in the clutches of indifference and can't find a way to escape. The graduation date sends mixed emotions of longing and terror. Quiet desperation.

There is only one month of school left. And less than four separating me from Calculus, also known as the class-I-never-imagined-I'd-take-so-never-prepared-for. Those darn honors programs. This post itself is an amazing example of what it's about. I should be fervently memorizing my pre-calc textbook, but instead I'm blogging about not doing it. I feel the panic setting in as I write this. (see chart above)

Off to make myself get through a lesson or two.

Succumbing to the pressure

Somewhere after stubbornly listening to everyone I know command me to read this Hunger Games series and my (exasperated?) friend Maddie resorting to personally putting the first book in my hands, I found I had broken the cardinal rule of teen self-help books and caved into the peer pressure. Yes, my reader(s), I, the queen of Brit Lit Snobbery, have read The Hunger Games trilogy.

What to say? What to say?

Well, first of all, being the aforesaid Brit lit snob, I am a confirmed hater of dystopian fiction. "Hate" may actually be too tame of a word. My society has enough problems of its own; why should I get wrapped up in some novel whose setting is the bleakest and most depressing the author could come up with? Whenever I finish one of those books, I walk around in a gloomy existential fog for a few days. So imagine my surprise when I realized that not only was my psychological equilibrium intact as I read The Hunger Games, I was actually enjoying it. It has a little bit of everything - adventure, insight, romance, etc. I felt my elementary school self  (the one that totally geeked out while reading The Hobbit) resurfacing as I watched Katniss survive in the arena. But - not going to lie here - I also loved all the girly sections when Cinna would show up with one of those amazing dresses Katniss got to wear for interviews and such. (ahh!)

I like how Katniss isn't the cliche warrior-woman heroine - she's strong, but still a girl. Yeah, she can hunt and butcher with the best of them, but an Amazon she is not. As the series progresses, her vulnerability becomes more apparent instead of less so, which, while not exactly the most inspirational outcome, is the most realistic when you take into account all the things she goes through. I also didn't mind her constant wavering between Gale and Peeta, maybe because I could understand her relationship with the former, at least in the first book. She's 16, and is still pretty naive about the guys, so of course she's not going to know how to react when the two in her life decide to fall in love with her. And it was fun following her reasoning throughout the series - getting to see Katniss think things through (and not having all the answers) kept her down to earth.


The plot was pretty good too. I'll confess, I spent the first book smugly guessing what was going to happen next (and was right in my prediction of Rue's death - come on, you knew it had to happen!), but overall was impressed by some of the twists and turns I encountered. I can understand why some dislike how Collins sent Katniss and Peeta back in the Games in Catching Fire, as it did seem a bit of a repeat of the first book, sans the novelty; however, I think it was the necessary spark to get the revolution going. I guess my biggest problem with the plot is in Mockingjay. The ending seemed a bit rushed - you can't really tie up 3 books' worth of loose ends in 5 pages. And I don't like Collins' use of Peeta's character in it. In the preceding books, with all the references to his rhetorical abilities, he seemed destined to be the one who would rally the troops in the inevitable rebellion. Instead, he spends the first half imprisoned offstage, and the second recovering from psychological trauma. Lame.

Speaking of Peeta..........oh my. I'll just admit it right now. I have caught Peeta fever. Peeps, he is up there with Edward Ferrars and the Student in the Canterbury Tales. Yeah. I'm going to risk sounding like a fangirl here, but I really was defenseless against his wittiness....and kindness.....and loyalty. I was totally crushing on him after he pretty much brought down the Capitol during that  interview with Caesar Flickerman in Catching Fire. The sad thing is, convinced that such a character is too good to survive, I literally spent the entire time reading the series devising scores of random possible deaths for him. It was only when I hit the last 5 pages that I came to a screeching halt and finally remembered to exhale.

ANYWAYS, I could not write a post about the trilogy without mentioning how I love all the classical imagery and allusions to be found in it! Half the characters have Roman names (Plutarch, Caesar, Seneca, Cinna, Cato....), which makes me want to whip out my history books and see if there's a connection between the characters and the people they were named after. Then there's the fact that the series is based on the famous Greek myth of Theseus and the Labyrinth. And how the Games are inspired by the gladiatorial competitions. As I read all the parts taking place in the Capitol, I felt like I had entered a futuristic Roman Empire.

I was pleasantly surprised at how thought-provoking these books were, aside from the obvious kids-shouldn't-kill-eachother message. Collins definitely has a lot to say about the culture we live in, throwing in a rather preachy reference or two to Panem's predecessor. I'm convinced the Capitol was inspired by California (blame it on my Midwest upbringing). There are the ethical dilemmas which made me ask myself what I would do in such a situation, which all center around - how do you preserve your humanity in a place like the arena?

So, in the end, I guess people are right - the series is one that anybody would like reading. Even British Literature supremacists.

Beware.....

"'The Ides of March are come.'

'Ay, Caesar, but not gone.'"

Yes. Yes. Yes.

My friend posted this on FB yesterday. PERFECT.

On the Church

In many ways, your church is what you make of it. I think a lot of people's frustrations with their own churches in the end come down to problems within themselves. The 5th grade me is the perfect example. 

If you had asked me how I liked my new church at the time, I would have given you the mother of all laundry lists of things I despised about the place - everything from the lack of potential for friends to having to endure the longest, most boring sermons imaginable. I longed for the good old days - my old church, you see, was hip. The kids had their own service, complete with a hilarious pastor and fun activities. My many friends and I would use the time our parents spent talking involved in a bunch of random, rather incriminating adventures around the building (the danger of getting caught made it all the more fun). And in the services, everything was cool - trendy songs, practical sermons, short prayers....you get the idea. 

My point in mentioning all this is to say that this church had set a precedent in my mind. As I sat grumbling about how geeky it is to go to a church with pews, it didn't occur to me that church could be about more than I had previously believed.

Many times there are those who have a legitimate grievance with their church. The doctrine could be wacky or a leader may have fallen into gross sin. But as I mentioned before, I think a lot of the other issues people have are really just their own. At 10, I didn't understand the fact that the purpose of church is first to worship God. There was nothing wrong with my new church - it was my priorities that were off. Church is not a dating service. It is not a community center. It is not a social activism club. While there are many people who do meet a spouse and make friends at church, those things are not its primary purpose. Church is here to focus us on God, not ourselves.

There's also the person who doesn't understand how the church works. An obvious example is the recluse who complains that they never get any fellowship. If there's any law I've learned about churchmanship it's this: What you get from a church is exactly the same as what you give to it. Come two times a month and leave in time for the football game, and yeah, people aren't going to remember your name. If you skip the prayer meeting, don't be surprised when you feel like you're out of the loop. And if you've always wanted to have close relationships like those in the "inner core," pay attention to their habits - they're the ones who come to the church when it's empty and do the thankless jobs that you've probably never even thought of. They're there for every service, and as a result, they've lived their lives with one another. 

Speaking from my own experience, I think we tend to lose sight of our "first love" as John put it in Revelation, and thus start to build a lot of unrealistic and selfish expectations about what the church should be. When we are constantly being reminded of what God has done for us, we'll consider church the highlight of our week, because there we worship Him. When we start to neglect Him, other things begin to be more important to us, and we expect them to show up at church. That's when you start to see Jane Austen Bible Studies and blogs devoted to "pastor fashion." (No, I'm not even kidding.)

So I guess what I'm saying is anything worth having is worth working for. (And make sure it's worth having.)

How sweet and awful is the place

With Christ within the doors,

While everlasting love displays

The choicest of her stores.

Not technically a repost

I was having a hard day today, thinking about my family's situation with my dad's illness. And then I found this old quote I posted from 2009:

Let us not be greatly discouraged at the many tribulations, difficulties and disappointments which lie in the path which leads to glory. Our Lord has plainly told us, that "in this world, you will have many trials and sorrows." Yet He has also made a suitable provision for every case we can meet with; and is Himself always near to those who call upon Him--as a sure refuge, an almighty strength, a never-failing, ever-present help in every time of trouble!

Jesus Himself was a man of sorrow, and acquainted with grief for our sakes. He drank the whole cup of unmixed wrath for us! Shall we then refuse to taste a sip of the cup of affliction at His appointment; especially when His wisdom and His love prepare it for us--and He proportions every circumstance to our strength; when He puts it into our hands, not in anger--but in tender mercy--to do us good, to bring us near to Himself; and when He sweetens every bitter sip with those comforts which none but He can give?

John Newton

Powerful words. "He drank the whole cup of unmixed wrath for us! Shall we then refuse to taste a sip of the cup of affliction at His appointment?"

Puts things in perspective.

Hello, 2012

When mom is gone for the week, it is the perfect opportunity for pets
to develop their taste for eau de toilette.

To  quell any fears that I am fast becoming the crazy cat lady who posts pictures of her "children" on her blog, why don't we start this post with a little chat about the presidential election? I read somewhere that in the last three years, Obama has spent more money than all the previous presidents combined. I don't care whether you're a Democrat or Republican or independent or whatever, that kind of thing simply shouldn't go on. The most charitable explanation I can think of for this behavior is a nasty case of naivete. And when thinking of the type of person that ought to be ruling a country, "naive" is usually not an adjective that comes to mind. So who are our alternatives?

• Gingrich. 'nuff said.
• Santorum. Too big government.
• Paul. This kind of thing is responsible for making me lean libertarian, but I can't shake the feeling that he is a little too - there's that word again! - naive about Islam in the Middle East.
• Romney. Romneycare!

Notice the predicament. I'm that over-eager, first-time voter who is more than ready to take advantage of her constitutional right, but there is nobody I feel quite comfortable voting for. What am I to do? (queue violin music)

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Anyways, tomorrow it will be exactly three months until I am done with high school........forever. In honor of this, I would like to make a few remarks about seniors. This year, as I have been forced to get a life gotten a job, and in my own observations amongst my friends, I have come to the conclusion that we are unable to talk about anything but college. We compare ACT/SAT test scores, memorize the Best Colleges in America lists, weigh the pros and cons of different majors, become experts on the FAFSA, and relentlessly hit up everybody around us for letters of recommendation. I'm actually having a hard time remembering what I used to talk about with people. I've never come across a demographic that was so marvelously one-track-minded. It's like we all wander around in a trance chanting mantras like "Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Dartmouth, Columbia, Cornell....." over and over and over again. But I'm not complaining; it's actually improved my social life - I'm naturally a rather reserved person, but now I have endless stores of things to talk about whenever I meet someone new. Fascinating stuff.

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This year, I've been in an AP Western Civilization class that meets in a homeschooling family's home around here. The teacher is awesome - after being there 10 minutes, you know that he is passionate about what he's teaching. I always make sure I have a notebook and pen with me, because without fail, he ends up saying something hilarious each class (the best part is that it's not always intentional).

Several weeks ago, we were on the French Revolution. In the middle of talking about the Tennis Court Oath, he exclaims, "It was like  Occupy the tennis court!"

BEST CLASS EVER.

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I have already mentioned my new-found love for P.G. Wodehouse here, but I'm afraid I will have to do so again. Anybody who can write a description like this will have my allegiance forever:

"How it happened, I couldn't tell you to this day, but I once got engaged to his daughter, Honoria, a ghastly dynamic exhibit who read Nietzsche and had a laugh like waves breaking on a stern and rock-bound coast. The fixture was scratched owing to events occuring which convinced the old boy that I was off my napper; and since then he has always had my name at the top of the list of 'Loonies I have Lunched With.'"

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Now, if you'll excuse me. Harvard, Princeton, Yale.......

Long day

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And has shed his own blood for my soul.

My sin—O the bliss of this glorious thought!—
My sin, not in part, but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more;
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

O Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend;
"Even so"—it is well with my soul.

Horatio Spafford