God's kindness

             If thy first glance so powerfull be,
A mirth but open’d and seal’d up again;
What wonders shall we feel, when we shall see
                                  Thy full-ey’d love!
             When thou shalt look us out of pain,
And one aspect of thine spend in delight
More then a thousand sunnes dispurse in light,
                                  In heav'n above.

(from "The Glimpse" by George Herbert)

I've long been of the opinion that the most vivid lessons we learn in life are those resulting from hardship. Something about the pain searing the newfound wisdom into your memory. Not going to argue against this position, because the proof of it has happened over and over again in my life.

What has surprised me, though, has been how powerful its counterpart can also be - extraordinary blessing. I created what seems to be a false dichotomy in my head, with trials stimulating growth and comfort breeding complacency. Having grown up in the church and never remembering a single, earth-shattering moment of conversion, I've always wondered what that utterly-new, overwhelming sense of God's grace must feel like. I probably always will. Instead, I have the opportunity to find echoes of it in the various cycles of sin and forgiveness, doubt and grace, in my experience of the Christian life.

Lately, I have been overwhelmed with the kindness of God. I purposefully don't say "goodness," because God is good in and of Himself; He would be so even if He never did a single "nice" thing for me. Kindness, though - this is an attribute connected to relationships. In the very issues for which I have given Him the most crap in my life, the things in which I've doubted His inherent goodness, in which I have sinned against Him greatly, He has blessed me with outcomes that surpass my initial desires. I can't wrap my mind around this: I treat Him horribly for withholding things I want (not need), and He gives me better versions of them. It is lavish mercy. Instead of chastisement, He responds with transcendent blessing. He returns evil with good, sin with grace, unbelief with love. What kind of Being is this?

I hate overly-saccharine writing, but every once in a while, you have to praise God in public. So that's that.