Some holiday wisdom

Just emerging out of the mire of writing to share this gem. I contemplated being less gossipy by blurring out the name, but then there'd be all those fun copyright festivities. This catch-22 of charitable infringement probably should have been a sign to keep my mouth shut altogether, but I guess I need more sanctification.

 

I have so many questions. If "God's provision" is like air, and we're supposed to exhale it, doesn't exhaling mean you're getting rid of air from your lungs? So are we supposed to get rid of "God's provision"? What exactly happens spiritually when you exhale?  Or is it that peace exhales "God's provision"? How does that work? Is it like yoga? What if I'm having a laughing fit and I can't exhale? Am I at the mercy of worry? I need answers. Or at least more objects of sentences.

Thesis-writing

Routine research turned into spiritual edification today. Powerful words by Lewis Bayley:

"...no man knoweth God, but he that loveth him; and how can a man choose but love him, being the sovereign good, if he know him, seeing the nature of God is to enamour with the love of his goodness? and whosoever loveth anything more than God, is not worthy of God; and such is every one who settles the love and rest of his heart upon anything besides God. If, therefore, thou dost believe that God is almighty, why dost thou fear devils and enemies, and not confidently trust in God, and crave his help in all thy troubles and dangers?—if thou believest that God is infinite, how darest thou provoke him to anger?—if thou believest that God is simple, with what heart canst thou dissemble and play the hypocrite?—if thou believest that God is the sovereign good, why is not thy heart more settled upon him than on all worldly good?—if thou dost indeed believe that God is a just Judge, how darest thou live so securely in sin without repentance?—if thou dost truly believe that God is most wise, why dost not thou refer the events of crosses and disgraces to him who knoweth how to turn all things to the best unto them that love him? (Rom. viii. 28)—if thou art persuaded that God is true, why dost thou doubt of his promises?—and if thou believest that God is beauty and perfection itself, why dost not thou make him alone the chief end of all thine affections and desires? for if thou lovest beauty, he is most fair; if thou desirest riches, he is most wealthy; if thou seekest wisdom, he is most wise. Whatsoever excellency thou hast seen in any creature, it is nothing but a sparkle of that which is in infinite perfection in God: and when in heaven we shall have an immediate communion with God, we shall have them all perfectly in him communicated to us. Briefly, in all goodness, he is all in all. Love that one good God, and thou shalt love him in whom all the good of goodness consisteth. He that would therefore attain to the saving-knowledge of God, must learn to know him by love: for God is love, and the knowledge of the love of God passeth all knowledge (Eph. iii. 19; 1 John iv.) For all knowledge besides to know how to love God, and to serve him only, is nothing, upon Solomon’s credit, but vanity of vanities, and vexation of spirit (Eccles. i. 17.)

Kindle therefore, O Lord, the love of thyself in my soul especially, seeing it was thy good pleasure that, being reconciled by the blood of Christ (Rom. v. 9, 10; John xvii. 3, 22; 1 Cor. xv. 8), I should be brought, by the knowledge of thy grace, to the communion of thy glory, wherein only consists my sovereign good and happiness for ever."

 (The Practice of Piety, pp. 26-27)

I love the way he applies the attributes of God to our daily lives. If theology isn't eminently practical, I don't know what is.

Was blind, but now I see

I found this passage inspiring tonight:

So a second time they called the man who had been blind, and said to him, “Give glory to God; we know that this man is a sinner.” He then answered, “Whether He is a sinner, I do not know; one thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.” So they said to him, “What did He do to you? How did He open your eyes?” He answered them, “I told you already and you did not listen; why do you want to hear it again? You do not want to become His disciples too, do you?” They reviled him and said, “You are His disciple, but we are disciples of Moses. We know that God has spoken to Moses, but as for this man, we do not know where He is from.” The man answered and said to them, “Well, here is an amazing thing, that you do not know where He is from, and yet He opened my eyes. We know that God does not hear sinners; but if anyone is God-fearing and does His will, He hears him. Since the beginning of time it has never been heard that anyone opened the eyes of a person born blind. If this man were not from God, He could do nothing.” They answered him, “You were born entirely in sins, and are you teaching us?” So they put him out. 

Jesus heard that they had put him out, and finding him, He said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” He answered, “Who is He, Lord, that I may believe in Him?” Jesus said to him, “You have both seen Him, and He is the one who is talking with you.” And he said, “Lord, I believe.” And he worshiped Him. And Jesus said, “For judgment I came into this world, so that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may become blind.” Those of the Pharisees who were with Him heard these things and said to Him, “We are not blind too, are we?” Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no sin; but since you say, ‘We see,’ your sin remains.

(John 9:24-41)

Love how you see God working in the ex-blind man even before he truly believes or understands who Christ is. Furthermore, he's willing to defend Him even when he will have to suffer deep social consequences for doing so. Also interesting in his rebuttal of the Pharisees, you see reason and faith working closely together. And finally, I love his exchange with Christ: there is so much kindness in the latter, and trust in the former. I want that unhesitating belief.

It's been a year?

Little did I think writing this would instigate all of these:

After darkness, light
The gritty side of spirituality
The problem of evil and other cheery things
Semester in review
Do you love me more than these?
Taking Heaven by storm
Time traveling
Confessional doxology
He restores my soul
On being away from home
Further conclusions on sanctification
Coming to an end
Milwaukee
On Psalm 63

So much learning packed into 365 days...they have witnessed some of the most dramatic work of God in my life. Thankful both for what God has taught me and also that I was able to blog my way through these meditations. What a year it's been.

Stole this from FB

On being young, restless, and reformed

A few years ago I came across this passage, and even though it's kind of an aside, God used it to minister to my soul. It's become one of my favorite passages in the Bible.

Now Moses used to take the tent and pitch it outside the camp, a good distance from the camp, and he called it the tent of meeting. And everyone who sought the Lord would go out to the tent of meeting which was outside the camp. And it came about, whenever Moses went out to the tent, that all the people would arise and stand, each at the entrance of his tent, and gaze after Moses until he entered the tent. Whenever Moses entered the tent, the pillar of cloud would descend and stand at the entrance of the tent; and the Lord would speak with Moses. When all the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the entrance of the tent, all the people would arise and worship, each at the entrance of his tent. Thus the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend. When Moses returned to the camp, his servant Joshua, the son of Nun, a young man, would not depart from the tent.

Exodus 33:7-11

The older I get (and I'm not even old enough for that to sound like a serious sentence opener), the more I understand why older Christians get so jazzed when they see or talk about young people faithfully attending church. I think I always assumed that any self-respecting church member would be there when the doors were open. Oh yeah, I even wrote about it. Why turn something I had been raised to do since infancy into something nigh heroic?

Then I went to college. So naive. So precious.

All of the sudden I was the one tempted to shave off Wednesday nights, or give mom looks when we were staying too long, or sleep in during Sunday school after being up till 3 the night before. All of the sudden I was rethinking my doctrinal commitments because of the spell of new and previously foreign relationships I was experiencing. All of the sudden I was the person I had been judging this entire time.

And then, after God sent me a wake up call and snapped me out of that funk, I got the chance to truly live on my own for the first time. I had my first experience of "adulting" at church. All of the new friends I made were there because they wanted to be there. There were no parents or rules or precedents. Instead, there were lots of deadlines and homework and social expectations. But you know what? Most of these twenty-somethings made it to church every Sunday. And most of them made it to the midweek student Bible study. And a respectable amount of them were involved in various ministries in the congregation. We're talking PhD students in one of the most prestigious, and therefore demanding, universities in the world. And they never missed church.

Heck, that's understating it. They were devoted to church.

That's when I learned how beautiful that kind of thing is. When I saw these faithful (young) people at church, I was seeing Joshua standing by the tent of meeting. They understood how crucially important meeting together was for successfully taking on the pressures and temptations of the upcoming week. They understood that communing with God together was the best way to spend time with their friends.

We need more young people like that.

A year ago, I would have ended this post with Ecclesiastes 12:1: "Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth...." After reading the subsequent paragraph, though, I've realized how relevant the whole passage is to this situation. When my week isn't anchored in corporate worship, things get funky. When my heart isn't truly in it, my faith weakens and everything gets a little existential.

Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, “I have no delight in them”; before the sun and the light, the moon and the stars are darkened, and clouds return after the rain; in the day that the watchmen of the house tremble, and mighty men stoop, the grinding ones stand idle because they are few, and those who look through windows grow dim; and the doors on the street are shut as the sound of the grinding mill is low, and one will arise at the sound of the bird, and all the daughters of song will sing softly. Furthermore, men are afraid of a high place and of terrors on the road; the almond tree blossoms, the grasshopper drags himself along, and the caperberry is ineffective. For man goes to his eternal home while mourners go about in the street. Remember Him before the silver cord is broken and the golden bowl is crushed, the pitcher by the well is shattered and the wheel at the cistern is crushed; then the dust will return to the earth as it was, and the spirit will return to God who gave it. “Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher, “all is vanity!”

On Psalm 63

A Psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;

My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,

In a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,

To see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,

My lips will praise You.

So I will bless You as long as I live;

I will lift up my hands in Your name.

My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,

And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed,

I meditate on You in the night watches,

For You have been my help,

And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

My soul clings to You;

Your right hand upholds me. 

(verses 1-8) 

Since this summer, I've been occasionally filling in to help teach Sunday School for the 6-7 year-old crowd at church. Right now, the class is going through a simplified version of Pilgrim's Progress. Initially, I looked at this experience as an opportunity to be servant-oriented and selfless and Reformed and aren't-I-a-nice-Christian-girl-helping-with-Sunday-School. However, I seem to have forgotten the reason we still read the book 350 years after it was written. Each time I've watched the kids take in the lesson from a particular passage, I get wrapped into it and God convicts me of how I am dealing with these very issues in my own life at the moment. I'm learning with the kiddos.

Yesterday, we went over Christian and Hopeful's escape from Vanity Fair and eventual stay in the Plain of Ease. It reminded me of my own experiences in the past year of my life, having gone through a particularly difficult autumn and my subsequent respite this spring. My life in these past twelve months has echoed this journey out of despair to joy. But, being a good Reformed Baptist and having read the story before, I know what the kids will be learning next week. I'm feeling the temptation that the pilgrims will presently encounter, to take the blessings of God for granted.

In contrast with 2014, where the difficult times chased one another by the heels, 2015 has been crammed full with blessings: My time in Europe was followed here by new friendships, provision and direction for the future, sweeter fellowship at church. I don't want to turn gifts which ought to point me back to God into things which distract me from Him. I'm beginning to understand just another facet of how responsibility accompanies blessing. When you feel like you're on top of this world, it takes discipline to pursue the things of the next one.

May my mouth continually offer "praises with joyful lips."

May my soul cling to God.

May I never forget His faithfulness to me.

On majoring in English

One of the occupational hazards of pursuing a liberal arts degree is mastering the PR work necessary to defend such an un-lucrative life choice. Fortunately, I thought ahead and decided to get two useless majors. That way, they can be buddies and entertain each other while I find an acceptable job. Or wait, isn't that what grad school is for?

Ah, but I jest. I mean, not the job-hunting part....that is all too painfully true. It's the charge that liberal arts degrees are useless that gets me a little unsettled. I could turn this post into a (classical) apology for my degree choices, pulling out all the arguments that I've been hoarding. These have been accumulating each time a misguided (please pray for them) friend makes the mistake of dismissing the liberal arts. I try to maintain an outwardly sanctified demeanor, but a battle wages inside my head: "BEWARE THE DAY I SMITE YOUR GAUCHE COMMENTS WITH MY MAJESTIC BLOG POSTS!!!" Ok, too much Beowulf lately.

Anyways, all of those reasons for my degree are valid and meaningful and good, and I wouldn't have needed to even be doing an English major to produce them. What I'm more interested in talking about right now is the consequence I didn't anticipate.

Of all the providences I have experienced thus far in my life, one of the most spiritually-beneficial has been my training in English Literature. It has completely transformed the way I read the Bible.

It's taught me the art of close-reading. You don't take a single word of a sonnet for granted. Learning this has trained my eye to dissect passages of Scripture that I would have passed over before, all because of one word that stood out from the rest.

It's taught me to view all the parts of a text as an interconnected whole. Oftentimes, authors utilize particular words and metaphors to tie specific passages of their novel/play/poem together. In hunting for these in literature, I've learned to trace these same word-trails throughout Scripture. The principle of reading syntopically has trained me to follow a theme outside of the specific Bible book I encountered it in. Because, usually, it's there in all of the other books as well.

It's taught me how important context, both textual and historical, is to truly understanding a text. The argument and intent of the original author is more important than our personal agendas.

It's awakened me to the artistry of the Bible. In learning to spot foreshadowing in Shakespeare, I've been trained to discover it in the prophets. Understanding typology has awoken me to how intricate a picture Isaac was of Christ.  Reading and relating to the deeply personal work of Herbert or Donne has drawn me to the equally-exquisite poetry of the Psalms. The longing of the metaphysical poets for union with God makes me more conscious of the longing the prophets felt for reconciliation for Israel.

I could go on, but these are some of the most obvious examples. Before I was trained to inquisitively read literature, I had always approached the Bible complacently. I read; I didn't analyze. I think a lot of church kids tend to wear "Bible goggles" when we read Scripture - because we're told that it's the inspired word of God, we take what we are reading for granted. We don't give it much thought, because we're reading it at face value.

My English courses have changed me. What used to be mind-numbing work has become instinctual. This spiritual connection made a lot more sense after my time in Cambridge. Being in a seminary environment, I realized that the tools I was given in my English classes were the same as those taught in divinity studies. Whether it's Greek or Hebrew or English, we're all learning to critically analyze texts.

Liberal Arts = not that useless. Study literature, kids.

Solo-wulf

"It is a great wonder

how Almighty God in His magnificence

favors our race with rank and scope

and the gift of wisdom; His sway is wide.

Sometimes He allows the mind of a man

of distinguished birth to follow its bent,

grants him fulfillment and felicity on earth

and forts to command in his own country.

He permits him to lord it in many lands

until the man in his unthinkingness

forgets that it will ever end for him.

He indulges his desires; illness and old age

mean nothing to him; his mind is untroubled

by envy or malice or the thought of enemies

with their hate-honed swords. The whole world

conforms to his will, he is kept from the worst

until an element of overweening

enters him and takes hold

while the soul's guard, its sentry, drowses,

grown too distracted. A killer stalks him,

an archer who draws a deadly bow.

And then the man is but in the heart,

the arrow flies beneath his defenses,

the devious promptings of the demon start.

His old possessions seem paltry to him now.

He covets and resents; dishonors custom

and bestows no gold; and because of good things

that the Heavenly Powers gave him in the past

he ignores the shape of things to come.

Then finally the end arrives

when the body he was lent collapses and falls

prey to its death; ancestral possessions

and the goods he hoarded are inherited by another

who lets them go with a liberal hand."

Beowulf, lines 1724-1757

 Reminded me of this:

There is an evil that I have seen under the sun, and it lies heavy on mankind: a man to whom God gives wealth, possessions, and honor, so that he lacks nothing of all that he desires, yet God does not give him power to enjoy them, but a stranger enjoys them. This is vanity; it is a grievous evil.

Ecclesiastes 6:1-2

That imagery

The H. Scriptures. II.

OH that I knew how all thy lights combine,
            And the configurations of their glorie!
            Seeing not onely how each verse doth shine,
But all the constellations of the storie.

This verse marks that, and both do make a motion
            Unto a third, that ten leaves off doth lie:
            Then as dispersed herbs do watch a potion,
These three make up some Christians destinie:

Such are thy secrets, which my life makes good,
            And comments on thee: for in ev'ry thing
            Thy words do find me out, & parallels bring,
And in another make me understood. 

            Starres are poore books, & oftentimes do misse:
            This book of starres lights to eternall blisse.

George Herbert

Insta-Europe

Missing all the running around. It's starting to feel like a faraway dream.

Brecon Cathedral, Wales

Old City, Geneva

Eiffel Tower

Tours Cathedral

Montefioralle, Tuscany

Venice

Agora & Acropolis, Athens

Pompeii with Vesuvius in the background

Forum Romanum, Rome

On getting that Christian liberal arts major

Why I do it:

General revelation also has a certain value for the Christian religion. Not that it provides us with a religio naturalis, which is quite sufficient in itself and therefore renders all supernatural revelation superfluous. Such a natural religion does not exist, and is in fact impossible. Neither can it be said that the Christian derives his knowledge of God first of all from general revelation, and then supplements this with the knowledge of Christ. He derives his theological knowledge of God from special revelation only; this is his principium unicum. Yet there is a close relation between the two. Special revelation has incorporated, corrected, and interpreted general revelation. And now the Christian theologian takes his stand on the Word of God, and from that point of vantage also contemplates nature and history. He reads God's revelation with the eye of faith and in the light of God's Word, and for that very reason is able to see God's hand in nature, and His footsteps in history. He sees God in everything round about him, and is thereby lead to a proper appreciation of the world. Moreover, general revelation offers the Christian a basis, on which he can meet and argue with unbelievers. The light of the Logos that lighteth every man is also a bond that unites all men. The whole creation testifies with many voices that man is created in the image of God, and therefore cannot find rest except in God. Finally, it is also due to God's general revelation that His special revelation is not, as it were, suspended in the air, but touches the life of the world at every point. It maintains the connection between nature and grace, between the world and the kingdom of God, between the natural and the moral order, between creation and re-creation.

(Berkhof, Introductory Volume to Systematic Theology, in Systematic Theology, pp. 131-132.)

Roadtripping (part 1)

If thou be'st born to strange sights,
    Things invisible to see,
Ride ten thousand days and nights,
   Till age snow white hairs on thee,
Thou, when thou returnest, wilt tell me
All strange wonders that befell thee.

John Donne

As if running around Europe weren't enough excitement for one year, I took the natural course of action and planned two back-to-back roadtrips a month after getting home. What can I say? I'm 1/4 Bohemian. Gypsies and stuff. Anyways.

Trip #1: Arizona.

Three of us from my church and the one who planted us drove out to Flagstaff for a Reformed Baptist young adult conference. Got to see Drs. Jim Renihan & James White speak, so it was pretty much Disneyland for theology nerds. Ironically, the highlight of the trip was reconnecting with my soulmate friend Savannah on the drive to and from AZ. We are basically the same person, and have lived an hour and a half away from each other this whole time. Even before it was over, I knew this was one of my favorite trips....ever. Got to meet 130 other young Reformed Baptists, saw the gorgeousness that is the Southwest, and talked theology almost the whole 24-hour drive. It does not get much better.

A big group of us caravaned out to the Grand Canyon and climbed
out onto this cliff. Being Reformed Baptists, we proceeded to have a hymn sing.

Awwww

Daniel third-wheeling it

Sunrise over the Grand Canyon

My mother failed to see the humor in this picture

Following up

So a few weeks ago, I presented a paper on Jane Austen's Emma being a story containing strong christological, redemptive undertones. That was fun. Basically, we like the story because we see reflected in Emma's flaws and eventual forgiveness the promise from Genesis 3 that God will redeem us from our sin. I didn't realize it at first, but it quickly became apparent that there is a lot more you could explore in this trope.

 

One of the things I noticed was how marriage is a kind of salvation in Jane Austen. Of course, there is the obvious sociological meaning, as marriage was women's only way of ensuring their future stability in life. But leaving it at that is narrow and boring. To interpret Austen in that way is to really miss what she stood for in the bigger picture. For her, marriage was a much more holistic institution: As she makes especially evident in Emma, the person you end up with will prove to make or break you. Most important for marriage in Austen is not its physical or material repercussions, but the consequences it has for your soul. Mr. Elton's choice in wife destroys what potential there was in him to be a sympathetic character; as a team, they are insufferable human beings. Emma and Knightley, on the other hand, become better people because they are together. Same goes for such couples as Elizabeth and Darcy, Marianne and Brandon, even Anne and Wentworth.

 

Several conclusions:

1. I usually go out of my way to avoid wandering anywhere near the tents of the feminist camp in literary criticism, but I must say, Jane Austen was undeniably ahead of her time. This is not a moral version of the damsel-in-distress situation, which modern romantics have made it to be. Her heroines are not languidly waiting around for a man to save them by fulfilling their emotional (and material) needs. Instead, in a successful marriage, both the husband and wife challenge and encourage one another in such a way as to "save" their spouse in a moral, almost spiritual way. Austen is telling her readers that both the heroines and heroes of her stories are vulnerable individuals who can either be redeemed or destroyed by the individuals they ultimately marry.
2. Typical of Austen, this kind of thinking flies in the face of the trendy empowerment individualism we see everywhere (interestingly, just as Austen did when Romanticism made individualism trendy). There is no flying solo in Austen. Although they may lose important family members or travel outside of their home environments, her characters are communal beings. Community stretches people, revealing their faults and offering opportunities to improve. Marriage for Austen "saves" individuals from their attempts at autonomy, which always fail: Emma, Lizzie, and Marianne each nearly sabotage their most important relationships when they become too confident in their own judgment. In contrast, Austen's successful marriages bring the husband and wife together into a partnership, where the strengths and weaknesses of each harmonize with those of the other.
3. To continue the redemption motif, these "salvific" marriages, where the husband and wife successfully learn how to help one another, also produce fruit: They help others. The happy couples in Austen are the ones who are usually instrumental in the lives of the heroines. The Gardners reunite Lizzie with Darcy. The Westons mentor Emma (albeit imperfectly) throughout the novel, tempering her premature judgments. In both of the Bath novels, Anne Eliot and Catherine Morland are introduced (or reintroduced) to their future husbands through the generosity of couples who have taken them under their wing. Going back to my previous point, marriage for Austen isn't even just for the happiness of the husband and wife involved; it's there to ultimately improve the world around them.

Just building on this...

Milwaukee

So I've been back in the States for 5 days. Feeling restless. Feeling the culture shock.

• Instead of walking the mile and a half to the grocery store, we drive it.
• I can't shake the sense that I'm a visitor in my home (but not because my family hasn't been welcoming).
• The oldest building around here was built in the mid-19th century.
• They drink the beer cold.
• You could fit a neighborhood inside Target.
• Almost everyone I know is a white, middle class American born on this continent.
• Everybody has so much stuff. America is unbelievably wealthy.
• My bedroom is larger than some of my British friends' living rooms.

Everything looks the same as it always was, yet completely different. Maybe as the months go by, I'll feel fully at home here again. But something tells me this is what long-term traveling does to you...you leave a part of yourself behind, and it's replaced with all the perspective, values, and relationships you picked up while you were away. You see everything (and everyone) with outside eyes. Still figuring out what to make of it. But I think it's good.

What makes me happy, though, is meeting up with my best friends. Some of us talked every day, and others, barely at all. But regardless of that, each reunion has been as if nothing has changed. Despite how bewildering it kind of is to be back, these people remind me why I'm committed to being here. Especially with church. Having met so many young Reformed people in the UK who feel called to build the church in their various home countries, it makes me appreciate my own American friends all the more. It's making me see that we are the future of the church here. I'm feeling the weight of our responsibility. Responsibility is good. Hard, overwhelming, dangerous, yes. But also a blessing from God. He is using us to build His church.

So as sad as I am to no longer be in the UK, I am satisfied in knowing that I am exactly where God wants me to be. Faith comes in where His will seems scary or lonely or difficult. It's always worth it.

Besides, living back in the States means I get to wake up and to see this every morning:

advinkdsvjkdsvhvhdsjkvndskjvdshhfdyfjsdvnsd I MISSED MY ROOM SOO MUCH.

Coming to an end

It seems like yesterday I was writing this post. Now, next week I'll be back home running around in Milwaukee. Where did the time go?


At the Roman Baths....in Bath

So far, 2015 has been very good to me. I've seen some of the most beautiful and important places in the world, lived in an amazing community of godly people, and most importantly, learned to trust God in ways I never understood before. Being here has felt like living in Palace Beautiful in Pilgrim's Progress. Coming over to England, I was most excited to see all the places I'd only come across in books. Leaving for America, I'm most reluctant to leave behind all the people I've come to love. All of the effort I've spent on getting into college, being accepted into the honors program, and studying abroad would still all be worth it if its only impact on my life was to bring me to the people here.


Wales is the most underrated country...ever

Being on your own in a country an ocean away from everybody you know for half a school year grows you up in a lot of ways you were blind to previously. And then running around a foreign continent where people don't always speak your language and you come close to being homeless several times grows you up even more. People my age always complain about how adulthood sucks, but being able to fend for yourself is one of the most satisfying things in life. I've learned that you need less than you think, there is nothing better than going to church with your best friends, and all those domestic skills my mom taught me are killer things to know.



Standing in the ruins of Coventry Cathedral

I can confidently say that the last four months have been the happiest of my life. I'm not ready to go back.

 

But God has other plans. He wants me to be a good steward of the blessings He has given me here and make a difference in my life back home. He has taught me to rely on Him in everything, down to where my next meal is coming from; it's getting me ready for what is going to be a year of a lot of uncertainty (including that wild safari of grad school applications). He's shown me both how important it is to have a new generation of strong leaders in the church, and also how awesome it is to meet fellow hip, radtacular young people who are defined by that enthusiasm.

I studied some pretty interesting church fathers and wrote a few papers, but here's the most relevant thing I've learned this semester: Money disappears, charm is shallow, and accomplishments are relative. The truly good life is the one spent for God's kingdom.

Wherever I end up, whether it's in Milwaukee or some far-away grad school, still writing here or something longer, teaching either my own or someone else's kids, I want to remember the words of Basil of Caesarea: "As long as we draw breath, we have the responsibility of leaving nothing undone for the edification of the churches of Christ."

Thank you, Cambridge.

Going to be offensive again

Why this trendy body image movement fails to grab my support:

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 

1 Peter 3:3-4

Several uncool reflections:

1. When your parents provide you with a godly upbringing, all of this talk about "accepting yourself the way you are" seems almost.....passé. Uh.......duh. I am a woman created in God's image, and I look exactly the way He intended me to be. I don't need a flip-floppy society deciding it's been wrong this whole time to tell me that I am a valuable human being. I found that one out when the Bible told me I am a daughter of God.
2. In the same vein, this is just another example of an obsession with outward appearance. If we are going to focus on how "every body type ought to be considered beautiful," we are setting an extremely shallow standard for what gives us worth. Outward beauty will always fade, and setting our stock in feeling fabulous and sexy and beautiful is just superficial. Christian women ought to be pursuing the inner beauty which never fades; this is the loveliness which lasts, because in adorning ourselves with good works, we are imitating (and, more importantly, pointing to) the unchanging beauty of God Himself.
3. Maybe this is a petty shot, but much of the rhetoric these advocates use reaches my ears sounding like a high-maintenance demand to "TELL ME I'M BEAUTIFUL, DARNIT!!!" It's like turning society into the mirror, mirror on the wall. Do women really want to resemble the stepmother from Snow White? Honestly, this has probably been the biggest reason I've found the movement unattractive. The tone seems completely antithetical to the "imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." Don't underestimate the power of graciousness. If God considers it "very precious," it is good enough for me.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll return to hiding in my bunker underneath Fifth Avenue.

Like everything else

N.D. Wilson:

"What is the best of all possible things? That which is infinite, always present and undecaying. That which is both many and one. That which is pure, ultimate, and yet humble. That which is spirit and yet personal. That which is just and yet merciful. Yawheh, God. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. 

What is the best of all possible Art? That which reveals, captures, and communicates as many facets of that Being as is possible in a finite space." 

(Notes From the Tilt-a-Whirl, p. 108)

Further conclusions on sanctification

...expanding on posts from last fall, like this one.

 

Good works has been a perennially-volatile topic in all my run-ins with Lutheran friends. Do not bring up the third use of the law, because sparks start flying. Shots fired: We Calvinists are dangerously close to works-righteousness, and the Lutherans dance with antinomianism. Oh, it's fun. So, all in all, I've been considering the Reformed theology of sanctification a lot since I've been here.

 

In the midst of some random blogosphere reading, I came across a reference to Ephesians 2:10:

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

There it hit me. The reason good works are so important in the life of a Christian is even deeper than the conclusion I arrived at last fall. They are what we were created to do. When we sin, we are exhibiting pride, offending God, displaying our ungratefulness, and also simply doing something unnatural.

We need to devote ourselves to good works because in doing so, we are finally functioning in the capacity God intended us to behave. In this way, we glorify Him in His plan of creation. On a more selfish level, this is the only path to satisfaction and fulfilment in our lives.

When we downplay the third use of the law, we are jeopardizing our chance to realize this. This is why obedience to the law is beautiful: Not only does it glorify God, it also makes our lives better.

On being away from home

When our trip around Europe was winding down, I found myself missing Cambridge like I did Wisconsin when I first arrived here. That was an odd realization.  It's become mine. It's comfortable instead of being new or "foreign." I have relationships which have become strong enough to tie a part of myself here forever. In just three months, this place has become home. My friend Hilary has told me about this being a phenomenon that happens with her friends here. When I told her how much I missed church, she exclaimed, "You see? It's happening! A piece of your heart is in Cambridge now, and you'll leave it here when you go back home." Darnit.

Something I've learned, being away from my homeland:

I've always been in the position of hostess. I think I inherited this from my parents. They were constantly having people over for Bible studies, church parties, Superbowl shindigs, etc. In highschool, most of the times my friends and I would hang out, it would be at my place. When college came around, our house, being strategically-located 10 minutes from campus, became a revolving door of friends coming by to spend the night, have bonfires, jam sessions, movie nights, and even just sit at the kitchen table and get advice from my mom. And as the lone commuter in the group, I regularly gave people rides or made them cookies or provided the transportation to whatever place we wanted to visit together. As crazy as that would sometimes be, I loved it. Helping others in such a tangible way was always deeply satisfying.

Before this starts looking like a bragfest, let me say that I'm coming to think a good part of this was probably a control issue. I liked being in a stable enough position to give and not need to receive. It's nice to not feel like you're in somebody's debt.

But now, I'm the one who's receiving rides to places, appreciating the home-cooked meals of church friends, being reminded of my neediness day after day. It's very humbling. Having seen the other side of hospitality, I'm inspired by the examples set before me in my church here in Cambridge. It isn't easy to walk into an established church in a different country where you know nobody. But right away, people welcomed me, befriended me, and invited me into their homes. When I'm back in the States, I want to always remember that feeling when I see somebody new at church.

In the meantime, though, I'm seeing that my dependency on others here is a picture of my greater dependency on God. Just as I am in the position of accepting help from friends (rather than giving it), so am I completely needy of God's grace in every aspect of my life. He daily provides both my physical sustenance and perfects the good work He once began in me. On my own, I can't draw my own breath, and sure as heck can't beat to death the sin still plaguing me. But He does.

So rather than letting myself feel (proudly) uncomfortable in my current state of comparative helplessness, I want to see God's love through it instead. I think that's a big reason why Cambridge has become a second home so quickly - the people here have demonstrated, daily, the love of God toward one another.

That trip to Europe

Gosh, that was so dumb. So speaketh the much-older-feeling and wiser version of yours-truly. Spend nearly two weeks visiting a different city almost every day? Sounds great on paper. But then you have to actually do it.

I think these two photos from Paris accurately sum up the situation:

 

#1 -  The brave face we put on for FB: "OOH LOOK WE ARE IN PARIS IN THE RAIN AND ITS SO PRETTY AND ROMANTIC #BLESSED!!!!"

#2 - How we actually felt: "OH SWEET SWEET CAMBRIDGE, WITH YOUR MULTIPLE MEALS A DAY AND GENERALLY-NOT-RAINY-WEATHER, TAKE ME BACK!

 

Several things I've learned:

1. You never spend as little money as you anticipate.
2. You can plan as thoroughly as possible, but you cannot control the weather.
3. For the love of all things sane, don't pack sight-seeing excursions in like sardines. They need to breathe.

That said, we loved Europe. Not everyone gets to do this kind of thing, and we really did try to appreciate the opportunity to see everything. Europe is beautiful. I crossed several things off my bucket list. And when we did eat, the food was amazing. Some favorite memories:

 

Standing inside the art tunnel otherwise known as the Sistine Chapel with guards periodically bellowing out "NO PHOTO!"

 

On an unrelated note, the selfie camera on the iPhone is really interesting.

 

Sitting on top of the Areopagus facing the Acropolis, reading Acts 17. When Paul said "The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man," he was looking straight at the Parthenon.

 

Seeing the cross inside the Colosseum. That really struck me. Our Christian forefathers' minds would have been blown to see that.

 

 

Climbing Mt. Vesuvius. I've been wanting to do that since I was probably 11.

 

 

Accidentally finding Beatrice Portinari's tomb in Florence. The church in which it is located is also the site where Dante supposedly first met her. I felt like a pilgrim. At the foot of the tomb are flowers and a basket of letters from girls around the world written to Beatrice. Some describe their own love stories and others talk about Dante's love for her. My heart melted a little bit.

Joyfully Amor seemed to me to hold
my heart in his hand, and held in his arms
my lady wrapped in a cloth sleeping.
Then he woke her, and that burning heart
he fed to her reverently, she fearing,
afterwards he went not to be seen weeping.
(La Vita Nuova, III)

Just had to throw that in.

 

Geneva. Things got intense when I almost started crying inside Calvin's church.  This earns me Die Hard Calvinist status, right?

 

Also managed to photograph the entirety of the Reformation Wall. Yeah, I was a little over-zealous. Yolo.

 

I am not usually a coffee drinker, but I had the best "café amaretto" in Paris. Coffee, amaretto syrup, whipped cream, and slivered almonds. I will probably have dreams about this in the future.

 

 

Good times, good times. The rainy memories are already fading.



Spring break, part 1

Come next Monday, we are released for four weeks to run wildly around the continent. Naturally, I've spent the last month organizing this trip in painful detail. Because that's how I deal with excitement. Ha. Anyways, here's the agenda:

• TUESDAY, MARCH 24: Fly into Milan. Spend the day checking out the Duomo, the Last Supper, and possibly the ruins of Constantine's palace (where he signed the Edict of Milan in 312). A friend from church recommended a life-changing calzone place, so I'll hunt that down too. Then, at night, we hop on the train to Rome.
• WEDNESDAY, MARCH 25: Vatican festivities. Our hostel is near the train station, so we'll walk past Keats' House/Spanish Steps and the Castel Sant'Angelo on our way to the Vatican in the morning. Once there, it'll be the standard St. Peter's, Museums, and Sistine Chapel till they close at 6. At night we'll take the train to the suburb of Ciampino where we'll stay the night, because it's close to the airport where we have an early flight in the morning.
• THURSDAY, MARCH 26: Day in Athens. Yup, a day. I found ridiculously cheap ($30) tickets which will allow us to arrive in the morning and leave at night. After talking to friends who were just there, it sounds like most of what there is to see is all near the Acropolis, so you don't need more than a day or two. Anyways, I'm guessing we'll have about 6-7 hours to see the Parthenon/Acropolis, Agora, and Mars Hill. Probably won't get to the museums, but that's ok.
• FRIDAY, MARCH 27: Roman ruins. We'll start outside the Domus Aurea and make our way around the southern ruins, from the Coliseum towards the Palatine Hill and Circus Maximus. Then we'll head to the Forum and have a picnic lunch there if that's allowed. Then it'll be Trajan's Markets, the Campo de Fiori, and Pantheon. At night, we'll toss our coins into the Trevi Fountain and get on a train to Naples.
• SATURDAY, MARCH 28: Pompeii. 30-min train to the slopes of Vesuvius, where we'll hike to the caldera. Then we'll get back on the train and go a little further south to the ruins of Pompeii, and revel in all the Roman nerdiness. Everything closes around 6, so we'll head back to Naples to explore and grab some authentic Neapolitan pizza.
• SUNDAY, MARCH 29: Train to Florence. I'm guessing we'll arrive around 11am, so we'll most likely miss church services, but I have some sermons on my ipod which will ease my guilt. Once we're there, we'll picnic in the Boboli Gardens, which have an amazing view of the city, and visit the Duomo. I'm a little nervous about crowds, as it's Palm Sunday and thus the beginning of Holy Week, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Other than the cathedral, I'm guessing we'll just wander around the city.
• MONDAY, MARCH 30: Hiking in Tuscany. After much research and breaking my habit of biannual Pinterest logins, I've decided to center our walking on Greve-in-Chianti, 50 minutes away from Florence by bus. About a mile from here is the village Montefioralle, where Amerigo Vespuci was born. I'm purposefully leaving the day wide open for whatever exploring we want to do. One thing for certain, we are not going to spend a day in the Chianti wine region without taking advantage of a bottle for a picnic lunch. Bethany & I plan on bringing our art stuff, so maybe we'll draw some of the countryside. Along the lines of art, we could also go north to Vinci to pay homage to Leonardo, but it all depends on time.
• TUESDAY, MARCH 31: Florence museums. Splitting the day between the Uffizzi Gallery (think basically every painting Boticelli ever did) and the Academy (David). Explore at night.
• WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1: Train to Venice. St. Mark's cathedral, canals, and a restaurant recommended by two different couples called "Pasta to Go." They make the pasta from scratch in front of you. Soooo excited. We're only going to spend a day here, though, because Venice is an incredibly expensive city and we don't want to dish out for a hotel. So we'll take a later train back to Milan for the night.
• THURSDAY, APRIL 2: Geneva. I'm still unsure about how I'll get us here, becuase we only have a France-Italy train pass and we'd have to pay a lot extra for a highspeed train to Switzerland. So my plan right now is to take slightly slower ones to one of the French towns about an hour away from Geneva and then transfer to a cheaper local train into the city. At that point, I'll we'll have the afternoon to see St. Pierre's Cathedral, the Reformation Wall, and walk around the old city and lakefront. The perverse side of me is so looking forward to dragging my Lutheran friends around the epicenter of Reformedom. I'VE BEEN PATIENT FOR THREE YEARS, I GET MY CALVINIST AFTERNOON. And then at night, we'll train hop our way to Paris.
• FRIDAY, APRIL 3 - SATURDAY, APRIL 4: Paris. Don't have a schedule and I don't think we'll make one. We just have a list of things we don't want to miss: Notre Dame, Eiffel Tower, Louvre, Shakespeare & Co., sunset from Sacre Coeur, Arc de Triomphe, Latin Quarter, and possibly the Luxembourg Gardens. And of course, hit some cafes. And then we'll take the Chunnel back to London to make it to Cambridge in time for Easter services on Sunday.

Being broke college students, we're going to be staying in a bunch of hostels and eating out of grocery stores. We're also bringing only what we can fit inside a bag/backpack. That includes room for souvenirs. IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE THE HOBBIT!!! SO MUCH ADVENTURE!!!

So that's the first, and most insane, leg of our break-time European festivities. 11 days, 8 cities (plus Pompeii and the Tuscan villages). But before then, I have two papers to write, provisions to cook for the first few days, trains to reserve, and a bunch of documents/boarding passes/maps to print out. And there's a solar eclipse to gawk at on Friday morning. It's a busy week ahead of us.

Walk to Grantchester

Following George Herbert and C.S. Lewis. (....and Pink Floyd...but they're not as classy....)